Lasting Words

Looking back, my life is defined but a handful of "life-changing" words.

1. "Your dad got the job." Mom told me this in 2003. Just a few months later, we up and moved 4 hours away and my whole life flipped upside down. At the time, I was NOT happy. I'm very thankful now though, as I would have never met my husband or had my 4 awesome babies :)

2. "You are pregnant." I was 16 and sitting in an office at Planned Parenthood, by myself. My plans for my future completely changed. No more Air Force, no more flying by the seat of my pants. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

3. "I can't find a heart beat." I was 20, laying on a cold, hospital exam table with a 1 year old Saydi in one arm, with my husband and 2 year old Mason sitting next to me. I was 20 weeks pregnant with baby #3. We were suppose to be finding out baby's gender that day during that ultrasound, and instead we found out that I had to have surgery in Great Falls 3 days later to "remove" our dead baby. Those 3 days of waiting were one of the most excruciate things I've been through. I was really resentful towards God for taking my baby boy from me, but looking back, had things not happened the way they did, I would not have had my Karli. I can't imagine life without her and her spunk and sense of humor.

4. "I'm being deployed." I was sitting with Wes during his lunch hour in the parking lot of his facility. The talk of an upcoming deployment had been floating around the air for months, but nothing was set in stone. Not until that day. It was 17 months before the doomed D-Day. The next 17-months were covered with this bleak forecast that hung over every move we made. The actual day he left was one of the most heartwrenching days I've been through. Watching the love of my life board a helicopter, headed for a warzone and there was nothing I could do to stop him, was by far the most helpless I've felt. The 11 months he was gone in 2012 was absolutely life changing. I had never been an adult without him right by side. During those 11 months, I handled the every needs of a family of 5 by myself and even gave birth to the most perfect baby boy. I did it. I actually did it all!

5. "He has Leukemia." It was 2:30 on a Monday afternoon (yesterday). Mom was usually at work, so I knew something was up. Next thing I know, she's going on about how Dad had a physical last week and his white blood count was 10x's the normal persons. They believe he's got Chronic Lymphocytic Leaukemia. We don't know the severity yet, but should know some more details on Thursday. I'm headed to Billings to be with them and support both of them. I'm scared. This is MY daddy. My rock. He's ALWAYS been there for me and my voice of reality when I needed it. I talked to him last night and for the first time in my life, he sounded scared. Talk about foundation rocking.


Of course I've had other big moments in my life, like the first time my kids said "Mom" or even when Wes and I said "I do" the both times we said it. Both are very important to me but they went with the flow of life at the time. They never caused my life to come to a screaching halt and make a 180 degree turn. These 5 moments I listed have made me who I am. They changed me. They changed my beliefs and basically everything I knew. My favorite quote is, "I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse."