8 years

It's been 8 years since I found out I lost my baby. I was 20 weeks at the time, sitting in a room with my 3 year old and 1.5 year old, husband, and an ultrasonographer. Within minutes of walking into that room my world came crashing down around me.

I woke up that morning hoping to find out the gender of the baby only to end up deciding what funeral home I wanted to go through. It was the hardest blow still to this date that I've had to take.

I used MySpace and Facebook to vent a lot during that time. I found comfort in writing and it was a nice peaceful outlet. During that time in my life I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out and the last thing on my to-do list was talk to people. Social media gave me a way to receive the support but in ways and at the times I was mentally ready to. When you are suffering from overwhelming grief, many things can set you back. It's hard to fight towards the light and during those moments you are trying, the last thing you want is someone to remind you of why your heart constantly aches. The support I received was amazing but definitely overwhelming at times. Thank you to those who stuck around and hugged me even when I didn't look huggable.

Here's what I wrote 5 years ago:

Half a year already

One of the best opportunities I ever got was to get to go to Hawaii. I never in a million years believed I'd ever get a chance to go- unless maybe I was retired! But here I was, 27 with the chance of a lifetime!!!

Last summer, we got our chance. And I dove at it.

I'd recommend it to any and everyone. Such an amazing experience!!!

The night I arrived. I even got lei'd!!!! 

Sunset from our room on Waikiki beach

St. Patrick's Day

I love holidays!!! I go all out for them- always have!

The next holiday is St. Patrick's Day- one of my favorites. No, not because I like green beer (yuck!) or corned beef and cabbage, but because I love all the mischievousness that goes along with it. When I was in first grade, my class got a visit from a leprechaun and I thought it was the COOLEST thing EVER!  It wreaked havoc all over our classroom and left green footprints and goodies all over. It was so cool when I was 6!

Since St. Patty's Day is on a school day this year, I'm going to go all out!

Lunch Box Love

One of my favorite things to do is pack a little surprise in my kids' lunch boxes!

I try to find all different types. I've got holiday related ones, movie themed, jokes, riddles, sentiments of love and pride of them,  puzzles, and even optical illusions! They usually have NO idea what they are getting that day and I think that helps with the excitement :)